


I Will Fight For You Until Your Heart Stops Beating

by DirtyLilGreaseMonkey



Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-17
Updated: 2016-05-17
Packaged: 2018-06-09 00:48:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6882586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DirtyLilGreaseMonkey/pseuds/DirtyLilGreaseMonkey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Scene continuation from last nights ep 16/05/16</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Will Fight For You Until Your Heart Stops Beating

**Author's Note:**

> So this is just my way of processing my jumbled thoughts after last nights episode, Robert needs to be mad but he can't, Aaron needs Robert but can't admit it, I just want to bang their hands together until they realised they belong together.
> 
> All opinions are my own.
> 
> For you My Livesy <3
> 
> Enjoy :)

_Don't look back; don't let him see you cry_ he told himself as his shaking hand pulled the back door of the pub open. As soon as the cool fresh air hit his face the tears started to fall but he didn't seem to notice he was too busy concentrating on keeping upright to be bothered by his leaking eyes. One foot in front of the other that's how he had to do this, to walk away from Aaron but he couldn't; he couldn't just walk away could he? Aaron seemed to want him out of his life; had the last few weeks been a lie? He knew it hadn't been easy with Liv turning up but he thought they were coping; sure they hadn't spent as much time together as he would have hoped but he'd practically moved into Aarons room at the pub spending most of his nights there now.

_Get out of my house and get out of my life_ the words rattled in his head and without knowing what else to do he kept on walking, one foot in front of the other; maybe Aaron was right, maybe in some level he had been controlling Aaron or should it be controlling himself around Aaron, keeping the letter from him, talking to charity about the money but that was just to get her off his back. Soon he found himself in the last place he expected to be. He ran his hand over the faded marble and with the rough letters under his fingertips the realisation of what Aarons words meant began to sink in; the notion that he was truly alone hitting him like a punch to the stomach and his legs gave way as he collapsed on the ground in front of his mother’s grave. Sobs wracked through his body as he tried to comprehend Aarons actions silently begging for help. They hadn't even started yet so how could it be over already? He knew he’d been stupid to keep the letter from Aaron but he was trying to protect him, nobody knew what that man was capable of, the hurt he caused Aaron, but Robert did had seen the evidence marked on Aaron skin and no matter what it cost him, even if that was his future with Aaron, he knew he’d done the right thing by keeping that from him, Aaron was safe; maybe he would see that in time, maybe he wouldn’t, now he’d never know. He used his shirt sleeves to wipe his dripping nose snivelling as he did so. Without Aaron he felt lost which was stupid considering he'd never had him, not really, not the way he wanted. He'd been patient, taken things slow, put up with Liv, tried to be the friend Aaron needed, he'd even cancelled the Barcelona trip and that had cost him a fortune. He hadn't complained when Aaron had abandoned not one but three dates because of some drama Liv had caused. The more he thought about what he'd done to show his love to Aaron, to prove how much he’d changed, the angrier be became until his jaw was clenched so tight his face began to ache from the pressure and he tears dried up. He wasn't sure if he was the adrenaline coursing through him or his mother’s calming influence all he knew was that he wasn't ready to give up on Aaron and he wasn't about to let Aaron give up on them both. With one last look at the engraving of his mother’s name he said a silent prayer in thanks and pulled himself up turning on the balls of his feet and headed back towards the pub.

...

Aaron was sat at the kitchen table head in his hands when Vic walked in,

“Have ya seen Rob?”

When he didn’t answer she asked again,

“Earth to Aaron! Have ya seen Rob?”

She’d hardly seen him these last few weeks since they'd got back together.

“Just leave it yeah Vic,” Aaron groaned as he pushed the palm of his hands into his eyes relishing in the brief release the pressure allowed.

Noticing her friends sunken shoulders she stepped forward, she didn't want to pry but knowing her brother he'd probably put his foot in it somehow, when it came to Aaron he never got it right and that's how she knew how much he loved him.

“What's he done now?” Vic half joked as she plonked herself down in the chair opposite.

“Nuffin,” Aaron huffed dismissively as he jumped up and headed for the door.

“He loves ya,” Vic called after him knowing she needed to defend her brother in some way.

Aarons hand paused on the door handle his eyes falling closed as he let the enormity of her words wash over him; he knew Robert loved him, but for Vic to know too was something else entirely.

“It nearly killed him when you went away,” Vic added before she vacated the chair,

“But he fought for ya Aaron even if you didn't see it he did and he never told anyone.”

A silent sob escaped him as he heard the door close behind her leaving him alone with his thoughts which was never a good idea.

Vic pulled her phone out and fired off a quick text to Rob.

> Whatever you've done fix it

... 

By the time Robert made it back to the pub his whole body was shaking with pent up frustration especially after reading Vics text, yes he was angry but more than that he was upset that Aaron could just walk in and end it the way he did. He pushed the back door of the pub open startling slightly when he came face to face with Aaron.

...

After is brief conversation with Vic Aaron couldn’t get her words out of his head so he began to pace at the bottom of the stairs as he tried to decide which direction to move in; up the stairs and away from Robert, or out the door in search of him. He knew he couldn't really live without the unconditional support Robert offered but at the same time he was sick of the way he treated him, like he was this small fragile thing that needed looking after. He missed the fights they used to have, the sheer physicality of them and that what he was thinking about when the back door opened bringing him face to face with Robert, the initial shock of him standing in front of him was too much and his instincts to push him away kicked in.

“Get out Robert.”

“No,” Robert bit back as he closed the door behind him.

“What?” Aaron asked a little taken aback by Roberts ferocity especially when it caused his blood to boil and not in an entirely unwelcome way.

“I'm not giving up Aaron; I’m not letting you do this.”

“I don't have to listen to this,” Aaron turned away from him but Robert reached for his Aaron pulling him back to face him.

“Yes yes you do.”

Aaron yanked his arm free from Roberts touch hating that just that little bit of contact was enough to relax him in a way no one else could.

“Get out Robert,” he hissed up into Roberts personal space before he realised what he was doing, their bodies so close he could feel the coolness of the outside seeping off his clothes.

“Make me,” Robert sneered back desperately trying to ignore the fact that he could smell the sweet tea on Aarons breath he was stood so close.

Taking a deep breath Robert stepped backwards until his back was pressed against the door creating some distance between them which seems to snap Aaron out of himself as he once again turned to walk away.

“I’m ready to fight for you,” Robert whispered into the space between them.

“Ya what?” Aaron spun round in disbelief.

“I know what you’re trying to do and I'm ready Aaron,” Robert informed him with a nod of his head.  

“I couldn't give a toss if you’re ready or not.”

Tapping the side of his head Aaron sneered,

“He's back in me ed because of you,” turning away again he pushed through into the back room Robert hot on his tail.

“I know that I messed up alright,” Robert rushed out.

“Messed up?” Aaron cried throwing his arms into the air at Roberts audacity.  

“Yes I messed up but everything I've done over the last few weeks, months, I've done for you.”

“You're unbelievable ya know that,” Aaron jabbed his finger in Roberts direction before sweeping a hand over his face.

“I've been here Aaron whether you liked it or not and that's not gonna change just because you think I was trying to….” Robert swallowed trying to get the word out,

“Manipulate you, I'm not him,” he cried,

“I wouldn't do that.”

“But you’re doing it now,” Aaron pointed out with as much animosity as he could muster.

“How?”

“Coming here when I told you to get lost, making me go there,” Aaron pointed to the door but they both knew what he meant.  

“Did...,” Robert started after a minute; he wanted to ask if Aaron had talked to him but changed his mind.

“So that's what this is about the letter?” Robert frowned, he thought it was about the money, in fact the more he thought about it he knew it was what he's said to charity about him talking Aaron around, his face dropped then when he realised he'd used those same words when talking about Chrissie and the robbery, guilt flooded his veins and he hung his head in shame.

“I kept that from you for a reason but you’re still hurting yourself anyway by pushing us away,” he emphasised the ‘us’ because he’d watched him do the same with Chas just that morning.

“It's more than that,” Aaron confessed his voice so small Robert as to strain to hear him.

“Then tell me,” Robert pleaded.

“Tell ya what eh? How I'm too scared to close my eyes because all I can see is him,” Aaron sobbed.

“Aaron,” Robert stepped forward but Aaron flinched away from him before he sank to the kitchen table letting his head fall into his hands,

“Don't.”

“What else?” Robert prompted from where he stood watching over him when he realised Aaron wasn't going to continue.

“Just go Robert,” Aaron grumbled from behind his hands.

“No I’m not letting you hurt yourself like this,” Robert remained firm.

“Fine than I will,” Aaron cried the legs of the chair he'd just abandoned scraping along the kitchen floor momentarily distracting Robert as he rushed to leave.

“Aaron!” Robert shouted just as Aaron reached the door to the hallway.

“What do you want from me Robert?” Aaron let out in a defeated sigh.

“I don't want anything from you.”

“Then why are you still here?” Aaron asked his hand still on the door handle.

“You Aaron I want you,” Robert said softly.

“Well I don't want you,” Aaron spat cruelly as he span around to look at him regretting it almost instantly as he watched Roberts features fall.

Robert just stared at Aaron for a moment as he let his words sink in, this wasn't what he expected when he came back but at least now he knew how Aaron felt.

“I guess that changes things,” Robert gulped as he pushed a hand through his hair willing the tears he could feel building up not to fall before he could escape. It was like he was floating above is body screaming at himself to move, to get out, but he couldn't do it, he couldn't walk away for Aaron not again, but if he didn't want him he didn't have a choice.

“I'll...” Robert started unable to meet Aarons eyes because if he did he knew he wouldn't be able to hold back his tears, somehow he'd managed to lose him all over again and he didn't know how to fix it this time.

“I'm scared to let you in.”

Aarons voice broke through Roberts subconscious now we are getting somewhere he thought as he looked up to see Aarons eyes trained in the ceiling.

“Why?” Robert questioned before he could help himself.

“Because because you hurt me,” Aaron answered quietly with as much honesty as he could but it was so much more than that. He was scared he didn't deserve Roberts love, he was scared that if he allowed himself to open up that Robert would take that love away and leave him broken, he was scared to let Robert into his heart again, more than that he was scared that he'd never feel for someone else what he felt for Robert even after everything they'd done to each other there was no denying their connection, it was as if he was only half a person without Robert and that scared him more than anything his dad had ever done to him, the fact that if he truly let Robert back in to his life he won't be able to live without him.

“I...” Roberts voice trailed off he had no words to defend himself because he had hurt Aaron in the past, too much in fact and maybe Aaron had been right when he said they should just be friends was right maybe them being together only caused them to hurt each other in the end, all he knew was that he loved Aaron but he also knew that sometimes love wasn't enough.

“Your right I'm sorry I'll just...”

“Don't.”

Robert was sure he'd imagined it until he heard the Aaron voice again. 

“Don't.”

He wasn't angry like he thought he'd be, he was disappointed that Aaron wasn't fighting for them the way he was but then he realised Aaron had done his fighting for them and now it was his time but they had to be honest with each other.

“We can't keep doing this Aaron I don't know how many times I have to say that I've changed, I've changed because of you, for you, you have to believe that.”

“You haven't changed,” Aaron stated.

“I have,” Robert protested.

“Not to me you haven't.”

“What I...,” Robert stared at Aaron dumbfounded.

“The Robert I know would protect the people he loves at all costs.”

Robert couldn't deny this because he would protect Aaron or Vic, Andy even no matter what the consequences where, Aaron knew that he'd even said that he was scared of the fact yesterday but he thought he'd reassured him that he wouldn't kill for him.

“The Robert I know would have lied to me to keep me safe.”

“Aaron,” Robert opened his mouth to defend himself but closed it again when nothing came to mind so Aaron carried on.

“The Robert I know would want me to take the money.”

“Aaron I…”

“I know,” Aaron laughed despite the tears rolling down his cheeks

For years Robert had felt like there were two of him the one that he allowed people to see the Robert that was in control, that would talk to anyone and handle any situation thrown at him and then there was the other one he kept hidden, the fragile part of him, the naive unsure, embarrassed teenager who longed to be loved, the one he kept hidden from the world, the one Aaron could see as soon as he laid eyes on him and without him knowing it this Robert had become his second nature, and he wasn't sure if he liked that but knew that if he had any hope of winning Aaron back he would have to learn to live with the Robert Aaron had always seen. While waiting for Aaron to speak again he tried to conjure up that in control version of himself that still lurked beneath his skin but as he stared into the still unsure blue eyes of Aaron he let himself be the fragile broken version of himself, the one that mirrored the man in front of him. maybe he wasn’t whole when he was the real him, maybe he had never been whole but he knew in his heart that he fit with Aaron, that somehow despite all the odds they made each other whole.

“The Robert I know would fight to get what he wants no matter who he hurt.”

“But it's hurting you and I can't bear that,” Robert whispered,

“Aaron if you want me to go tell me and I'll go.”

“I...”Aaron stopped himself.

“Right,” Robert breathed out when Aaron remained quiet,

“I'll….”

Robert took one step forward before Aarons gruff voice stopped him.

“But the Robert I did know would have walked away months ago but you’re still here, why?”

“You know why,” Robert gave him a half smile.

“Say it,” Aaron whispered not sure he wanted to hear the actual words but needing to anyway.

“I love you,” Aaron closed his eyes as Robert said the words.  

Robert watched the indecision cross Aaron face and he closed his own eyes as he waited for a reply with baited breath.

“I can't do this without you.”

“Do what?” Robert puzzled his eyes flying open it wasn't exactly the answer he'd been hoping for but it was close enough.

“This,” Aaron threw his hands into the air and let them fall to his side as Robert stepped closer.

“Yes you can, you are the strongest person I know Aaron Livesy.”

“Dingle,” Aaron mumbled.

“Shit sorry,” Robert chastised himself for mentioning Gordon’s name.

“T'Kay,” Aaron said with a shrug of his shoulders he was his name for years sometimes he still forgot he wasn’t a Livesy anymore.

“Can we start again?” Robert offered out into the quiet that had developed between them, he knew it was a feeble thing to say but he didn't have anything else.

“What?” Aaron frowned.

“I said I wanted to do this right this time Aaron and I meant it but I'm not gonna push you, you have to want this too.”

“I do,” Aaron confessed after a moments thought.

“Really?” Robert asked before he could stop himself, Aarons hesitation to answer broke his heart.

“It's okay you don't have to answer,” Robert backed away but Aaron reached out and caught his arm.

“Of course I want this.”

“But,” Robert prompted he could see there was a 'but'.

“But you can't keep things from me Robert if we are doing this we are equals you and me.”

_And Liv_ Robert wanted to add but bit his tongue He knew he couldn't do that forever and that they would have to talk about the wayward teenager at some point but now wasn't the time or was it?

“Tell me what you want Aaron and I'll do it.”

“Tell me I'm enough,” Aaron let out with a soft cry.

“Enough! C'mere,” Robert stepped forward before whispering his name,

“Aaron,” taking hold of his face in his hands brushing away the falling tears with the back of his thumb,

“You are more than enough you're…” Robert swallowed back his own tears,

“You're everything.”

Robert lead Aaron to the sofa and they spent the rest of the afternoon sat there in the back of the pub, knees pressed together, fingers entwined between them as they talked. They talked about Aarons feelings with regards to Roberts actions with the letter, about his visit to the morgue that day. About his guilt for walking past Jacksons grave and not even realising he'd don't me so until it was too late. They talked about Roberts insecurities with regards to Liv and Aaron promised things would get easier. They talked openly for the first time about Roberts sexuality, about Roberts resentment towards Aaron following the affair reveal which Robert acknowledged and actually thanked Aaron for because he knew he’d never have gotten there on his own. They talked about Aarons insecurities about Roberts bisexuality, and Robert assured him that he, Aaron, was the only person, man or women, that he wanted which earned him a shy smile that Robert would hold onto and recall in their darkest days. They talked about Jack and Andy, and Roberts complicated relationship with both his brother and father. They talked about Adam and Vic, and Roberts jealously of Adam and Aarons friendship. In fact they talked about all the people in their lives and Robert admitted he'd never really felt at home before until he was with Aaron. Aaron found himself opening up to Robert in a way he never had before and it was good to talk to someone, he finally revealed the guilt he felt about his father’s death, and he was grateful when Robert didn't judge him but held him as he wept for a man he hated. They were so engrossed with each other they barely even registered Liv coming home from school or Chas' return from the wholesaler. As the afternoon turned into the evening and the shadows in the room elongated Robert noticed Aarons eyes beginning to droop. He looked down at their still intertwined hands and as he ran his thumb over Aarons knuckles he knew it was time for them to part, so reluctantly he loosened his grip not wanting to assume he could stay the night especially after the day’s earlier events.

“I’ll stay at Vics tonight,” he said softly as he pulled his hand back.

“Don't,” Aaron panicked as Robert pulled away.

“Aaron I think it's...”

“I can't,” Aaron shook his head slightly.

“Can't what?” Roberts brow creased in confusion.

Aaron didn't know how to voice the fact that Robert kept his nightmares at bay instead he simply said,

“Just stay please.”

“If that's what you want.”

Aaron nodded with a weak smile before tucking his legs up under him and leaning back he let his head fall on to Roberts shoulder.

“You make it stop,” Aaron admitted after a while.

“Make what stop?” Robert softly enquired.

“Everything,” Aaron breathed out as Robert secured his arm around him.

After relishing in Roberts warm embrace Aaron lifted his head up to elaborate,

“I know it's stupid but sleeping next to you makes me want to forget, it makes me believe I can forget.”

“You will Aaron you will and you’ll be happy again I promise,” Robert reassured him his voice filled with affection for the man in his arms.

“We will,” Aaron corrected him with a sleepy bit of his lower lip.

“We will,” Robert repeated an idiotic grin spreading across his face and as Aaron once again settled under his arm, a space that if he didn't know better he would have sworn it was made just to fit Aarons body against his; he sent another silent prayer up his mum, thanking her for giving him the strength fight for what he wanted, to fight for them, to fight for the man in his arms, the man he loved, for Aaron.

**Author's Note:**

> I know I didn't go into detail with their conversation because I want to explore some aspects of it in another fic but I think I covered the basics.
> 
> Thanks for reading <3


End file.
